Full House

Ramblings by Joe.....

Thoughts on deployment.

I read Valorie’s blog post and it made me think about how these deployments affect my family and I. I would say that we are very resilient but there are many unseen effects. I consider myself pretty lucky with my job and duties in the military. I am a platoon sergeant and am a co-leader of a platoon of soldiers. I work with a platoon leader in supervising the group of soldiers. I am the enlisted side and the platoon leader is the officer side of the leadership of our platoon. We see to the overall health, welfare and duties of each of the soldiers in our platoon. We also are responsible for the maintenance and upkeep of our equipment. In our case, it is toolboxes and 8 helicopters and all associated equipment. These are my military duties in a nutshell and I find that many of the aspects of my work are mirrored in my duties and responsibilities as a husband and father. I think it all boils down to leadership. The basics of leadership apply weather it is a group of soldiers, a group of Boy Scouts, or your own children. I have noticed some challenges along the way.

 I am a friendly person and like to consider my associates and subordinates as friends as well as coworkers. I have realized that this point of view is good for morale and for the overall work environment but it also brings unique challenges when it comes to enforcing standards and discipline.

Valorie is a super strong and independent woman. She is a great mother to our kids and does lots for our family. She also gives time and effort to our ward through her calling as a counselor in the Relief Society. She also spends time assisting the spouses of the fellow soldiers in the company through her efforts as a Family Readiness Group co-leader. She handles so much and cares for so many people that it is truly amazing. I feel bad when
I have to leave on these deployments because in many ways, my work load is lightened and hers is increased. I try to make the effort to call or interact with her daily so that she can vent or just keep me abreast of the happenings in the lives of my family.

I am pretty much done with this deployment and am just waiting for transportation to get me back home. There are not many responsibilities that I have at the moment. We are done with work, so to say, since we have transferred all the equipment that is staying in country to the incoming unit and have sent all the other equipment back home already. We pass each day in a large tent that has about 120 beds in it. I watch movies and  DVDs on my computer and play computer games. Many of you may think that this sounds blissful, but it is quite challenging. I would rather be busy taking kids to soccer games or practice and running around town shopping or seeing to the various needs of the family. Those same chores that wear Valorie and others like her out day-to-day are just what I look forward to. I can hardly wait to get home and help lighten the load that she shoulders when I am gone.

I miss my sweet children terribly. They change so much in the early years and I am missing so much of it. Valorie mentioned Brady and that I have been away for more of his little life than I have been home. I hope that this trend will change and that all soldiers will be able to spend more time with their families and not deploy as much. I look forward to interacting more with my children when I get home and to get more fully incorporated into their lives. I know that Valorie usually runs the house on a good schedule. I hope to help her out and give strength and backup her efforts at home. Our kids thrive on a schedule (though it is sometimes resisted). I hope to augment the fun and love that is found in our household. It is the Lord’s plan to have children raised by both parents and for the responsibilities to be shared. Being away has helped me to identify many ways I can help to share the load and I am so eager to do it.

Our kids are great. They are so fun and loving, each with their own special quirks and strengths. I am eager to connect with them more and to enjoy their love more in my life. Cooper and I have a few common interests that we share. We both love computer games and guns. I am eager to take him shooting again and to teach Valorie and the other kids how to shoot and how to safely employ firearms. Some of the kids are too young and will have to wait for that lesson. Cooper is so very smart and kind. He is quite shy but once he opens up to others, he becomes a great friend. Hailey is growing up so fast. She is almost a polar opposite of Cooper’s shyness. Hailey is outgoing and has a very large circle of friends. Sadie is quite the little leader. She will often naturally assume the informal group leader position with most groups she is in. She shows intense emotion that is almost out of her control sometimes. There is not much middle ground with Sadie, it is usually way high or very low. She shows love, happiness, excitement and such so intensely but then sometimes it is sadness and withdraw almost to an extreme. Ella is funny. I call her Crazy Ella and she likes the nickname. She is terminally happy when she is around me and it spreads and lightens my spirit and mood as well. Brady is funny as well. I am eager to interact more with him and to learn more of his sweet little personality. He is quite the “mini-me”. He, like Cooper, mimics many of the things I do around the house and yard. I changed the oil on my truck before this deployment and soon, Valorie sent me a picture of Brady lying on the ground under his tricycle as if he is working under it. He is quite the monkey see, monkey do kind of kid. I am so eager to get back with them.

 Valorie is always on my mind. Like I said, she is so strong and independent, truly an amazing person. I am so very blessed to have her as my wife and best friend. I miss spending time with her and I feel so bad that I have to leave her for such long periods of time with these deployments. I appreciate all the support and help that everyone gives to my family and I. When I was dating Valorie, I remember early on that I was so very impressed with her. Over the years and deployments, I have continued to be more and more awed by the incredible person she is. I am so very blessed.

I also miss my extended family while I am away. I appreciate the prayers and love that are sent my way by my wonderful parents and brothers and sisters and their families. The packages, pictures and letters are very thoughtful and I love receiving them. I am grateful for technologies like email and webcam so that I am more able to keep in touch with friends and family.

Thoughts on Redeployment

As our countdown to Joe's redeployment nears it's end, I am filled with mixed emotions.  Certainly above all things, I just want him to come home safe and sound.  However, deployments are a creature unto themselves.  Not only are they filled with the hardships of separation and heavy loads of additional responsibility, but they come with their own breed of an emotional roller coaster. 

I feel like our family handles deployments fairly well.  The kids adjust better than most (in my opinion) to their dad being gone, but they certainly don't go unscathed.  I have watched each of my sweet five children struggle in their own ways to cope with the additional stress placed upon them.  It will be years before the military and society in general truly understands how the deployment cycle effects children and families.  What many people don't realize is that in addition to a year on, year off schedule, soldier's often have to leave their families to attend training and execute other missions they are tasked with during their supposed time "at home".  This extends and complicates that reintegration process even more.  We have been fortunate that Joe didn't have to be away for more than a few weeks at a time during his Iraq and Afghanistan deployments.  That was a true blessing to our family.  Most of my friends are not that fortunate. 

I have struggled more emotionally during this deployment than I did when Joe was in Bosnia and Iraq.  Thankfully I have a wonderful support system of family and friends to pull me through.  I enter a survival mode once Joe leaves for an extended period of time.  A serious breakdown of priorities has to begin.  I realize I can only do so much and my kids have to come first.  I withdraw to a certain degree.  There are times when I just can't make myself answer the door or the phone.  I get very impatient and intolerant.  I have been less than kind to many and I feel terrible about it.  I am a very independent person.  I like to be in charge of my own schedule as much as possible and I'm not very good at asking for and receiving help sometimes.  It's a double edged sword for sure, and many times I've hurt myself by letting my pride get in the way. It's all a balancing act.  Some days I do ok and others I fail miserably. 

The one constant within the military is change.  You can never really count on anything happening until it actually does.  As we near the beginning and/or end of a deployment I begin hearing "do you have a for sure date yet?".  I love that people love and care about us enough to ask, but it becomes exhausting answering the question over and over again.  Especially when you have to say NO.  You would think after all of these years of moving service men and women in and out of these countries the military would have it down pat!  The flights should go on like clockwork, right?  Wrong!  There is always a mechanical issue, mistakes in personal management or weather condition to get in your way.  The soldier's themselves don't even know when they're going to move from one spot to the next.  The constant waiting and uncertainty of it all is emotionally draining on all of us, especially Joe. 

I have several friends who have welcomed their husbands home within the last month.  Their "re-integration" (as the Army so fondly calls it)  to normal family life has gone fairly smoothly, thus giving me hope.  Still, it's a delicate process for each member of the family.  I read an article on one of my favorite blogs the other day that both made me laugh and made me nervous at the same time.  (click here to read)   While it's true that we've been through this process over and over again during the last 17 years, it doesn't get any easier.  Especially where the kids are concerned.  Think of a puzzle with 52 pieces.  Someone hands you 2 full pieces and a handful of tiny fragmented segments and asks you to guess what the puzzle is.  You just couldn't do it.  That's basically like the time my kids get with their dad, and he with them.  You get two weeks of R&R and then an occasional phone call or web-chat.  That's it for an entire year.....52 weeks!  Even when Joe hears about the kids and their accomplishments, he isn't here to experience them with them.  He misses the chance to kiss boo-boos, coach sports or even help with homework.  By the time he gets home many of their favorite foods and colors have changed, they have a new set of friends, they've matured and grown (in Cooper's case literally out grows you!)  and then he has to jump in and figure it all out.  Likewise the kids have learned to function in a home with only one parent.  We run a fairly tight schedule and when we have to work one more person into that schedule it can be hard.  Brady especially has it tough because he has literally spent more time without his dad than he has with him.  We will be kidding ourselves to think that things will be exactly the same as we left them on Nov. 7, 2009.  I had just barely begun to feel back to normal after Joe's Iraq deployment and then he left again.  So again, I'm planning on it taking awhile to hit our full stride again.

With all this being said, I am truly grateful for the blessing of being a military spouse.  So many have done so much more.  We are fortunate that TIME is all we have been asked to sacrifice at this point.  I am profoundly grateful to reap the benefits of freedom that so many have fought to gain and preserve.  Several people sent a link to me this past Veteran's Day of a YouTube video.  It brought me to tears.  Maybe it will help you feel what my simple words cannot express. 

 

 

Quote of the Day

After a particularly "lively" trip to seminary  at 6 AM this morning (thanks to Brady), I needed a little inspiration on  endurance and perserverance.  I found this quote and love it!

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. 

~Franklin D. Roosevelt

Water Babies

During the summer, we spend a lot of time at our community pool  Somehow I only took a couple (literally) of pictures.  All of the of the kids (except Brady) are great swimmers.  Ella started venturing into the deep end by herself sans floaties this summer.  What an accomplishment, especially because my kids really haven't had swim lessons.  They're in the water so much they just pick it up. Now if I could just figure out how to keep my tan all year round!

Sadie and Ella at our clubhouse pool

 
 
Easton leading Brady towards the pool

 

Our ward has a tradition of having a get-together at the end of each summer.  We meet at Ft. McCallister and enjoy some great food, friendship and time on the water.  Thankfully no one snapped a picture of me and the RS Pres on the tube!

Brady and Ella geared up for the Bishop to take them for a ride.

 

Cooper getting ready to brave the waves

 

 

Jamboree or Bust!

This summer Cooper had the opportunity to attend the 2010 National Boy Scout Jamboree.  It was such a great experience for him.  This was the 100th year anniversary of Scouting, as well as the last year it will ever be held at Ft. A.P. Hill, VA.   He was gone for nearly 2 weeks.  His troop was able to tour Washington, D.C. before going to the Jamboree.  There were fantastic programs with fly-overs, speakers like Mike Rowe and Robert Gates.  All shared with 50,000 Boy Scouts and leaders.   I wish I had pictures to share.  This is Cooper in the car when we picked him up. I think he was happy to see us all and be back home!

 
One of Coop's favorite parts of the Jamboree was trading patches with other scouters.  His troop had 4 different patches, each representing a branch of the military (Army, Navy, AirForce, Marines).  They were very popular.  Here is what Cooper came back with.  His troop patches are all in a row on the top left.

 

Welcome Summer!!

Wow!  I can't even remember the last time that I posted on this poor 'ol blog!  This family keeps me hopping and I've opted to spend time with them instead of so much time on the computer.  Plus, our main desktop computer is really having issues, so I mainly use Joe's laptop.  I have a few pictures of our recent happenings, but I don't want to download them onto the laptop.  For now, here are some things we have been up to along with some miscellaneous thoughts.

• Our community pool opened up at the beginning of May and we have been taking every opportunity to go!  Brady is still not very fond of the water, but Ella has taught her self how to swim! 
• You should have to pass a test if you want to wear a bikini in public.......I'm just sayin'!!! 

• The kids finished school last Friday.  It's so nice to sleep in a little and have our days a bit more free.

• I found out at Ella's Pre-K "graduation" (if you can call it that) that the same little boy she has a crush on also likes her.  I would catch the two of them looking at each other with the most adoring grins on their faces.  They are so stinkin' cute!!!  I will definitely post pics of them together!

• Joe and Cooper left at 4:45 AM on Monday morning to go to Boy Scout camp.  From what I hear, they are doing great and having a fun time.  I'm hoping the heat will convince Cooper that it is a good idea to cut his mangy hair!

• Hailey is quite the social butterfly and is constantly having sleepovers, calling her friends and emailing.  What happened to my little girl??

• I've learned that Sadie really likes to organize.  She was more than happy to help me clean out one of the pantry's the other day and then volunteered to re-organize the bookshelf in Hailey's room.  Maybe something actually did sink in!!

• Paying two mortgages stinks!!!!!

• Brady still loves trash, ketchup and his new favorite.....wearing Sadie's soccer shin guards!  He has also slept in his big boy bed for several nights in a row without getting out.  I, on the other hand, have still not gotten up the gumption to start potty training him. 

• When you live in Savannah, choosing to mow the lawn in the late afternoon is like going on a death march!

• Summer laundry is so much better than school-time laundry!  No more uniforms......yay!!

• I LOVE ice cream.  Always have.  Recently I discovered that if you take mint-chocolate-chip and cover it with carmel sauce you will have a ridiculously fattening, but numm-a-liscous treat on your hands!!!

• When I was at Wal-Mart a few weeks ago, I bought a "Ped-Egg".  My skin is so dry and my feet are usually calloused and cracked.  This thing actually works!!!  I thought it was motorized, but I was wrong.  Still, it works wonders on my feet.......and that's saying something!  Another infomercial product saves the day!

• My baby will soon be two.  I'm not sure if I'm ready for that.  It's the end of an era for our family.  We will never again count the ages of our children in months!

• Father's Day is on Sunday.  I'm not quite sure what to do for Joe.  Maybe have the kids put together something for him like they did for me on Mother's Day??  Any suggestions??

• Watching "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" is like a train wreck!  Once I start watching, I just can't stop.  It's what I would classify as trash TV, yet admittedly, I like it.  I'd like to know where all of these people are getting so dang much money!!!

• My face has totally broken out lately.  While I don't have beautiful skin, I usually don't have a problem with breakouts like this.  I don't know if it's the hot summer sun or if it's because I no longer have to take those pesky "no-baby" pills, but something's gotta give!

Ooooh, it sounds like it's ice cream time!!!  (No worries....you'll never catch me in the before mentioned bikini's!)  Gotta go!  I hope everyone is having a great summer!

Questions

I need a little advice.  It's about time to renew the subscription to my blog.  I'm trying to figure out if I want to keep the service with Typepad, or just switch everything over to Blogger.  There are things I like and dislike about both Blogger and Typepad.  What I'm really worried about is loosing two years worth of content.  I know there is a program out there where I can have my blog made into a book (Lisa, can ya help me?), but I like to be able to reference back to it online.  I do get a discount from Typepad for paying an entire year in advance, plus they give me a 15% discount on top of that. Still, Blogger is completely FREE!!  Any suggestions???

We are getting a break from the hot, humid weather that comes with GA.  It's been a relief to have a slight chill in the air!  Still, I can't figure out how temperatures in the 50's and 60's persuade people to wear a full winter coat AND hat!  I thought southerners were supposed to be tough!  Did it feel that cold to you?  Would you rather be in the cold or in the heat?

The decrease in temperature was brought by LOTS of rain.  The rain brought out even more lizards and frogs than normal.  My kids have had tons of fun catching tiny baby frogs (the size of a pebble) along with bigger frogs.  They give them a home, name them and I pray that they don't kill the poor creatures.  Isn't it a myth that frog pee gives you warts?  I hope so!

What are you making for dinner tonight?  I need ideas!

Joe had to leave a day early to go to Camp David.   I'm missing my 15 yr. HS reunion AND we now can't tile the kitchen this weekend.  I'm holding a personal grudge against the President.  Yeah, he works hard and deserves a break and it's Joe's turn.  Yada, yada, yada!  Can you sense the bitterness in my voice????

Has anyone had jury duty in Chatham County before?  It's my turn next week.  I have no clue what to expect.

An ammendment....

I don't tend to blog about deeply religious things, but like it or not, my religious beliefs play a major role in my life.  I'm really hoping that I didn't offend anyone in my last post.  It certainly wasn't my intention.  I fully respect the beliefs of other people.  It's one of the simple beauties of living in this great country.  We can all have differences of opinions....and it's ok.  Just because someone doesn't believe exactly the way I do doesn't mean that I look down upon them.  My sister-in-law left a comment about a situation she was involved in awhile back.  She mentioned turning to theArticles of Faith (they are just what the title says, articles explaining our faith).  Funny because they came to my mind as well.  Specifically #3 "We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel." and #10 "We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may."   I happen to believe in modern day revelation through a living prophet.  That is where these Articles of Faith originated from.  I don't think it's too far fetched to think that what happend during Bible times might also happen now. However, some people have a difficult time with that concept.  They are entitled to their opinion, but so am I.  Hmmm....that's making me think of Miss California during the Miss USA pageant this past weekend.  I swear, my mind sure wanders!  This is why I haven't blogged for awhile, I get sucked in and neglect other things.  Better get to my children.  Discuss amongst yourselves.....

On my Mind...

There have been so many things on my mind lately, but I haven't had the time to sit down and blog in forever, or so it seems.  Life just keeps going on at a fast pace and there hasn't been room on the priority list for blogging or even blog hopping.  So, let's see....what's been happening around the Full House.....

• Joe was off for a few weeks and we were able to get our floors leveled.  It took twice the effort and double the money to complete the project, but it was well worth it.  We (we meaning Joe) laid down some cheap new carpet in the Family Room until we can completely recarpet downstairs after he comes back from Afghanistan.   We haven't had the few days of un-interrupted work time to put the tile down in the kitchen, but it sure looks pretty waiting for us out in the garage!  Hopefully that project will be completed soon!!!

• A few weeks ago while Joe and I were saying goodnight to Cooper in his bedroom, I caught him sizing himself up to me in the mirror.  Joe put us back to back (like I remember my Uncle Steven doing with me and my cousins when we were kids) to see how tall Cooper was compared to me.  I was a bit shocked when he said that Cooper only had about a half and inch before he caught up to me.  If I was shocked then, I was dumbfounded when the same thing happened this past Sunday night, but instead of Cooper being shorter than me, he is actually TALLER than me by about a quarter of an inch!  How can this be happening!  I'm not old enough to have a child bigger than me.....Oh wait....I guess I am!

• A while back I was stuck in the car during traffic.  Lucky for me, the kids were all busy watching a movie in the back seats and I was able to catch Glen Beck on Fox News Radio.  I listened to the "Beck-man" totally give some guy a run for his money and wanted to find the actual interview on YouTube.  Instead of finding that, Joe and I began to watch a series of video's from Beck's program"An Unlikely Mormon".  If you haven't watched it, it is truly inspiring.  Joe and I started watching it around bedtime and kept saying, just one more (it's in several 9 minute increments), no just one more... until we finished the entire program.  It's definetly worth taking the time to watch whether you're likely, unlikely, Mormon or not. 

• During the Glen Beck program, I read a few of the comments from previous viewers.  One specifically bothered me.  She mentioned that she thinks Mr. Beck is a wonderful man, but she hopes one day he'll find the "real Jesus".  Wha-hat?  Is there a real Jesus and a fake Jesus, cause I'm pretty sure there was only one.  I could go on and on about this one, but I won't.  Has anyone ever said something like this to you?

• I will however mention two terms that I hear all the time, but that really rub me wrong when I hear them.  The first is "the mission field".  Hello people...if you live on the earth, you live in the mission field.  Enough said.

• The second is the term "saved".  I didn't hear much about people being saved as a child. It's not a term we use in my religous culture.   Many of my friends believe in being "saved" (I think that means the day they accepted Christ and/or were baptized....clarification please someone), and while I honestly do respect their beliefs, I just don't understand how can they already count themselves as "saved" when their life upon this earth isn't complete?  I look at salvation as more of a life-long process.  One day, one of my friends asked me if I believed that I had to earn my salvation, because she doesn't believe that way.  I would say the answer is both yes, and no.  From the little that I know about Christian religions other than my own, most people actually believe the same way I do, though they don't usually see it that way.  Simply put, I believe that we are judged by our works, but saved by grace.  Is this so different from what other people believe?  If our personal works played NO PART in our salvation, then why would we have commandments to follow?  How else can we prove our faith if not by our actions?  On the other hand, no matter how hard we strive, we will always fall short.  There is no way we can fully pay the price for our sins, so we must accept the gift of the atonetment of Jesus Christ in order to fully be saved.  This subject can lead to an entire host of topics like living forever vs. eternal life, but I'll stop for now. 

• OK, that went off on more of a tangent that I expected it to, so I'll close for now.  Plus, I have to go meet up with some really fantastic ladies!  It did feel great to jump back into blog world for a few minutes though.  I guess my next goal should be to snap a few pictures of the kids and post them.  It's been way too long!  Until next time y'all........

Yes, we're still alive!

So, has anyone missed me?  I know how you all wait on pins and needles for my latest posts!  LOL.  Anyway, life has just been too, too crazy.  No time to blog these days, which is somewhat depressing.  I have some things I really want to post about, but I'll have to get to those another day.  For now, here is a list (not for anyone's entertainment, but for my own records....I'm truly not that deluded) about what our family has been up to.

• On January 24th, I loaded my 13 year old 7th grader in the car and drove him accross town to Savannah State University to take a stab at the SAT's.  Who knew that middle schooler's would be taking college entrance exams?  We're excited to see how he did and what he'll need to work on when he takes it for "real" in a few years. 

• I mentioned a few weeks ago that I received a new calling at church.  I've offically been set apart,so I guess it's ok to say what it is.  I'm now the Stake Relief Society Secretary, which doesn't sound like a big job, but at the present moment, it's HUGE!  We have some major events coming up, one of which is a once in a lifetime thing for our area and we have only 6 weeks to get it together.  Can you say Gladys Knight?  Like I said, HUGE!  I'm still hanging in as our ward Primary chorister, but I'm going to have to be released.  Since I got my old Visiting Teaching comp back, I've also been able to get my visits completed.  Long story, but too many jobs plus too many kids and no pay equals a very unhappy family.

• I'm still working as a Co-FRG leader for our company (Joe's Army unit).  We are trying to get positions filled and some fundraising items together. 

• I'm going to start helping Hailey's teacher with some much needed tutoring.  She has a few kids that struggle with reading.  It's such a basic skill and I'm hoping I can help these kids.  No child should grow up not knowing how to read!

• My girls keep asking when they are going to start piano lessons again.  We haven't done them since before Christmas.  I need to put it back on my calendar again.

• Joe officially took himself out of the gene pool on Friday (with the help of a surgeon).  We prayed about it and feel that our family is complete.  It's a very strange feeling to know that it's official.

• Speaking of Joe, he is still breathing down my throat about buying a new truck.  Didn't he just buy a new motorcycle when he got home you say?  Why yes, yes he did.  The thrill has now worn off and he needs a new toy.  Actually with my new calling, a bigger second people hauler (the Jeep just doesn't hold enough kids) might be very handy.  Still, that doesn't help pay the car note.  He's also shopping for a new laptop.  Aaarrggghhh!

• While amidst his online shopping for trucks and computers, Joe has also started back to school.  He has decided to major in Sports and Health Science.  He's taking 7 credit hours and doing a great job so far.  It's a lot to juggle with 12 hour days at work and 5 crazy kids hanging on you, but he's handling it like Super Man!

• We just spend a bunch of money on an  big 'ol outside shed.  It's going to be delivered on Wednesday.  We didn't check with our homeowners assoc. like we should, but we don't care.  We have soooooo much stuff to move out of the garage.  My hope is that one day I won't have to worry about the Orkin man impalining himself on a mis-placed item in there.  Poor guy, he's such  a good sport!

• Once the garage is clean, maybe we can start working on leveling the floors in the breakfast nook and family room.  I am so excited for new flooring!!!  Gotta get it done before he leaves again in October-ish.

OK, there is more, but I have to give the computer up.  Joe has homework and I'm tired.  Think I'll watch some trash TV.  I've already missed 15 minutes of The Bachelor.  I'd better hurry!