Thoughts on Redeployment

As our countdown to Joe's redeployment nears it's end, I am filled with mixed emotions.  Certainly above all things, I just want him to come home safe and sound.  However, deployments are a creature unto themselves.  Not only are they filled with the hardships of separation and heavy loads of additional responsibility, but they come with their own breed of an emotional roller coaster. 

I feel like our family handles deployments fairly well.  The kids adjust better than most (in my opinion) to their dad being gone, but they certainly don't go unscathed.  I have watched each of my sweet five children struggle in their own ways to cope with the additional stress placed upon them.  It will be years before the military and society in general truly understands how the deployment cycle effects children and families.  What many people don't realize is that in addition to a year on, year off schedule, soldier's often have to leave their families to attend training and execute other missions they are tasked with during their supposed time "at home".  This extends and complicates that reintegration process even more.  We have been fortunate that Joe didn't have to be away for more than a few weeks at a time during his Iraq and Afghanistan deployments.  That was a true blessing to our family.  Most of my friends are not that fortunate. 

I have struggled more emotionally during this deployment than I did when Joe was in Bosnia and Iraq.  Thankfully I have a wonderful support system of family and friends to pull me through.  I enter a survival mode once Joe leaves for an extended period of time.  A serious breakdown of priorities has to begin.  I realize I can only do so much and my kids have to come first.  I withdraw to a certain degree.  There are times when I just can't make myself answer the door or the phone.  I get very impatient and intolerant.  I have been less than kind to many and I feel terrible about it.  I am a very independent person.  I like to be in charge of my own schedule as much as possible and I'm not very good at asking for and receiving help sometimes.  It's a double edged sword for sure, and many times I've hurt myself by letting my pride get in the way. It's all a balancing act.  Some days I do ok and others I fail miserably. 

The one constant within the military is change.  You can never really count on anything happening until it actually does.  As we near the beginning and/or end of a deployment I begin hearing "do you have a for sure date yet?".  I love that people love and care about us enough to ask, but it becomes exhausting answering the question over and over again.  Especially when you have to say NO.  You would think after all of these years of moving service men and women in and out of these countries the military would have it down pat!  The flights should go on like clockwork, right?  Wrong!  There is always a mechanical issue, mistakes in personal management or weather condition to get in your way.  The soldier's themselves don't even know when they're going to move from one spot to the next.  The constant waiting and uncertainty of it all is emotionally draining on all of us, especially Joe. 

I have several friends who have welcomed their husbands home within the last month.  Their "re-integration" (as the Army so fondly calls it)  to normal family life has gone fairly smoothly, thus giving me hope.  Still, it's a delicate process for each member of the family.  I read an article on one of my favorite blogs the other day that both made me laugh and made me nervous at the same time.  (click here to read)   While it's true that we've been through this process over and over again during the last 17 years, it doesn't get any easier.  Especially where the kids are concerned.  Think of a puzzle with 52 pieces.  Someone hands you 2 full pieces and a handful of tiny fragmented segments and asks you to guess what the puzzle is.  You just couldn't do it.  That's basically like the time my kids get with their dad, and he with them.  You get two weeks of R&R and then an occasional phone call or web-chat.  That's it for an entire year.....52 weeks!  Even when Joe hears about the kids and their accomplishments, he isn't here to experience them with them.  He misses the chance to kiss boo-boos, coach sports or even help with homework.  By the time he gets home many of their favorite foods and colors have changed, they have a new set of friends, they've matured and grown (in Cooper's case literally out grows you!)  and then he has to jump in and figure it all out.  Likewise the kids have learned to function in a home with only one parent.  We run a fairly tight schedule and when we have to work one more person into that schedule it can be hard.  Brady especially has it tough because he has literally spent more time without his dad than he has with him.  We will be kidding ourselves to think that things will be exactly the same as we left them on Nov. 7, 2009.  I had just barely begun to feel back to normal after Joe's Iraq deployment and then he left again.  So again, I'm planning on it taking awhile to hit our full stride again.

With all this being said, I am truly grateful for the blessing of being a military spouse.  So many have done so much more.  We are fortunate that TIME is all we have been asked to sacrifice at this point.  I am profoundly grateful to reap the benefits of freedom that so many have fought to gain and preserve.  Several people sent a link to me this past Veteran's Day of a YouTube video.  It brought me to tears.  Maybe it will help you feel what my simple words cannot express. 

 

 

Comments

[Kimberly]

You brought me to tears... We appreciate all of you sacrafices. The sacrafice of the spouse of someone who is deployed is a journey all of their own, never to be understood by those of us who don't have to sacrafice so much. So, I won't ask when the exact date he comes home... just enjoy the hugs when he gets here!!!
:)
Just think, you'll be able to go to Dunkin Doughnuts as a whole family again!!!!

Donuts help everything!

Love ya'll!!!!!

[Valorie]

Thanks Kim! Pray he is here for Thanksgiving....it's looking iffy! However, we did get a Dunkin Donuts not far from our house here in Savannah. They're just not as good though. We may have to make a family donut run to Columbus before we leave GA! That's a happy thought! Miss you guys!

[Lisa Brown]

Thanks for making me cry :). I love you Val and pray that all goes well with his return. Somehow we have been blessed so far for Kevin to have only been gone for a few months at a time, and with how hard that is on all of us, the thought of doing it for longer fills me with dread, even though I know it is inevitible. I'll keep you in my prayers!

[Mary C]

I think you and your family are all amazing. I can't imagine how taxing it would be on all of you to have your husband/dad gone for a whole year (or more in your case). I'm sure you have your moments, but from what I know of you, you have handled it the best you can, and that's great! Yay for Joe getting home (whenever that actually happens)! I hope your readjustment to the new normal will go smoothly!